A man was invited to his parents' house to celebrate the Fourth of July. He became intoxicated. When one of the fireworks he brought with him to t...moreA man was invited to his parents' house to celebrate the Fourth of July. He became intoxicated. When one of the fireworks he brought with him to the party did not ignite, he went over to inspect it, and it exploded in his face. He sued his parents, the co-worker who sold him the fireworks and his employer....hide

New York State Vehicle and Traffic Law Article 6 states:
"Two vehicles which are passing each other in opposite directions shall have the right o...moreNew York State Vehicle and Traffic Law Article 6 states:
"Two vehicles which are passing each other in opposite directions shall have the right of way."...hide

Quiver, n. A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.
- Ambrose Bierce

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense at...moreIf you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line in a U.S. trial....hide

Lawyer: Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant?
Witness: The young lady is pregnant, but not as ...moreLawyer: Doctor, as a result of your examination of the plaintiff, is the young lady pregnant?
Witness: The young lady is pregnant, but not as a result of my examination....hide

10. Instead of "Objection!" they keep shouting "Bingo!"

9. They keep asking you: "Would it kill you to say you did it?"

8. They&...more10. Instead of "Objection!" they keep shouting "Bingo!"

9. They keep asking you: "Would it kill you to say you did it?"

8. They're suing each other over the last cheese Danish.

7. Before doing anything they ask themselves, "How would Matlock handle this?"

6. The only motion they make involves their middle fingers.

5. They giggle uncontrollably everytime anyone says "briefs."

4. They've enlisted the services of Mr. Doug Llewelyn.

3. They repeatedly scream at each other "You crazy!"

2. They begin each argument by saying, "Bitchin' robe, your honour!"

1. Jacoby trying to strangle Meyers.

- David Letterman Top Ten List...hide